i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
