I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
