I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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