Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
