i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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