did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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