he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Say something about gay babies.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
