Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
