just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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