Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
