k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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