i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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