Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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