I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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