I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
