Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
