You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
