Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
