I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
