standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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