I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
