i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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