Kiss
Puke
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
