I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
