she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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