i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
