Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
