i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love you. Go after that dick
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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