i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
