Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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