I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
