I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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