I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
