Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
