Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
