Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
