I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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