I accidentally had phone sex last night
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
