You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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