Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
