Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize