We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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