it wasn't lemon gatorade
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
