I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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