my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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