i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
