I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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