you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
