Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
