OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
