You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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