I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
