Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
