pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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