my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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