I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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