we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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