I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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