just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
