dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
