y did u give ur computer a hand job?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
