Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
