covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
