I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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