You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
