hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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