Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize