I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
