I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
