Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
