Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
