I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
