wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
