drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
they're like a gay fantastic four
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
