Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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