if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think my mom watched the whole time
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
