I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
