Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
