I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
