I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just want nice things and good sex
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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