One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
