I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
