Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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