I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
