You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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