you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
