someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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