I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
